Catching winds.

- remorseless -

As far as I concerned, there's no possible way to catch wind.
It'll come by itself, softly touches our naked body, passing through every pores, 
and disappear whenever it wants. Come and go as it pleases.
When the blue sky breezes, I feel like I am not alone. I feel like I am home.
I want it to stay, but I cant find any way.
_____________________________________________________________
I am frustrated.
I plant the seeds, I tend it, I water it. but instead of what I imagined,
Thorns are the results.
These thorns inside me, grew bigger and I don't know how to cease it.
To make it less painful. To make it grow into beautiful intricate roses.
Anxiety took over my mind, I'm afraid that I'll be abandoned someday by someone who means a lot to me.
I already am. been abandoned,neglected. I can't sleep for days coz of it.
Those happy moments is only for awhile.

If moment of clarity arrives,
Please, light a shine bright upon me, let me see, let me know, let me understand,
Teach me how to walk in this world full of hypocrisy and madness.
For I am in haze, I am blinded bt lust and gluttony. sunken in this hole for too long,
I've befriended with these menacing cloudy sky.
I am a disgrace. I am a child born of curse.

Help.

it's not my intention to make everyone sees me smiling, no it's not.
it's not that I fake it..
I just never been in any comfort to tell people what is my real feelings are.
it's complicated to tell. just let it be oblivion like ashes..