Monday, December 19, 2011

Badai membara

- remorseless -

Menghembus bayu,
Memadam sayu,
Mengubur pilu,
Itulah peranan ibu.

Menyayangi aku,
Menemani aku
Mewarnakan aku,
Itulah kelebihan ibu.

Kian membesar kian bernanah.
Api gelora jiwa kian membara,
Hati ibu berdarah dipanah,
Si kecil mula berdusta, teralpa, terleka.

Ibu hampa.

Nurani hati ibu sayup ucapkan rindu,
Ombak membadai seganas taufan,
Terpana melihat si anak memuntahkan kata-kata nista haru.
Ibu tidak mampu berkata apa terpadam umpama bara kesejukan.

Si kecil yang dulunya bermain tidak jauh dari sempadan,
Hilang sekelip dari anak mata tiada lagi indah kayangan,
Ibu gila mencari mengigil takut kehilangan,
Bila jumpa, tidak mampu untuk melepaskan dari gengaman.

Kini dia membesar menjadi anak derhaka.
Berbeza, berbeza dari dulu yang halus,
Ibu, ampunkan anakmu yang kurang hajar menikam dada,
Ku rindu belaimu yang ikhlas dan mulus.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

forgive me

- remorseless -

Cruising far away from the land.
with it's big grand metal blend.
Start the journey to a better place.
where there is no room for any more disgrace.

sunken in the deep blue sea,
O lord, please help them see,
what world we lived in.
so much lust, so much sin.

Wandered endlessly in the ocean,
never looked back, afraid to examine their past action.
They are in fear, fear to be confined, fear to be reset.
So why bother to possess, when we know we're going to regret?

Forgive me for I've cruised too far,
I never meant to meddle in this war.
There was mist everywhere obscuring my sight.
I need You to be my light.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

what have I done

- remorseless -

dont even.


coz i'll die of laughter

Yesterday was seriously wicked for me guys. seriously. hahahah xDD
Except you knoww.. to wait for that scumbag for 12 hours.
we're bunch of idiots. devoted to him and all -__-
fuck that shizz manngggg

Friday, November 11, 2011

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

- remorseless -

It took me 1 year to forget about some goddamn guy who
was "in relationship" with me for 1 month. then mind-fucked me.
Pretty intense.results in "cant believe in boys easily" for the whole year.
just certain of em, still can choose who i can trust who i can't trust.
as soon as I give all of em back my trust. shit happened.

How bout 5 months then?
They've lost my trust. forever.
all boys.

Terima kasih :3
better keep it this way. so no more scars.

well, to be honest. i hate myself.
i hate part of me tells me to hate you, another part says i still love you.
how mind fuck is that. haha troll forever.
you have no idea how hurt I am.
i cant trust anyone. not even myself.

Sunday, November 6, 2011


- remorseless -

like you never Died before!
like you never seen this world before!

i seriously motherfuckingly need a punching bag in my room.
like seriously. XD

and we shall celebrate our victory with RED VELVET CUPCAKE BEBEH!

Entitled to be cursed forever.

- remorseless -

Shouldn't accept. Shouldn't listen. Shouldn't trust. 
Shouldn't discover love at the first place.
It's very irony that love could mend a broken heart,
and love also has the power to tear a part.

Momma once told me that love is so heavenly fun.
and all what we do is play and run
Love is where a place that no one recognize any hate.
guess it's just another lie and in the hand of malignant fate.

Misery came once in a while,
thought that it could cause no long-lasting harm..
so I dumbly welcomed it with open arms.
But it does,it is vile and wild.. 
everything is unclear and left only unending tears.
when sight isn't that vivid, forthwith it bestowed scars that hurt like acid.

I thought we were stronger than that.
I was wrong. I fought this battle alone.
I could give up long time ago,
But I didn't because I .. I thought we were stronger than that.

and now, im at the lowest point of my life.
I've failed, I've lost. I've nothing in exchange.

This pleasures of love is only for awhile
and it has to end.
Though I have to go through the crowds with a forced smile
but still, I must make some amend.

no more crying in the middle of the night.
no more 4 hours of mourning.
Coz I know, there will be bright shining light,
waiting for me in the morning.
as long as it may.

I've repeated this for second time.
I though it was all untrue when I found you.
But there was I.. wrong again when i let my heart over mind.
I'm seriously broken.
"I guess it's true that in real world, there's no knight in shining armor.
No prince charming that will hold her hand for just a little while.
I guess no.
There's only backstabbing, anger, lonely and sad.
Conquering every living person in world of mess.
That just a whole load of pain in the ass.
Don't die, just pretend a smile."

and there it go once more, 9 rejected theories ,
perpetuating in the mind of it's very own.
I shall not easily fall again..
either in love or life.

Those who are faithless know the pleasures of love; it is the faithful who know love's tragedies.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Time Travel

- remorseless -

Nothing is real, I know this cause I made a deal.
With the Devil. He told me that i was just wasting my time on the moon.

So I flew to the sun, lost track of my soul on the run
suffering 12 degree burns
I learned that the sun was no fun

So I went back to earth, Tripped and fell in the glorified dirt.

Honestly, gravity sees me as a liability.

So I held my breath, til my soul left my body for dead

I ripped through the clouds, To talk with the man in the sky.

I said " Take this for what it is,, I think you're a tad but prejudice

Against the ones like us that are searching for the answers"

He said " Kid you don't know shit, you should go back home and live

In that quiet little town you left behind"

I'm coming home, Don't you cry ( don't you cry )
I'm coming home, Just in time ( Just in time )

I am a fake A constant go-getter of fate

I lost track of time, I carried my mind on a plate

I seasoned it well, with acid and M.D.M.A.

Then I howled at the moon, Til the sun burnt out both of my eyes.

So I checked my pulse, Standing there white as a ghost.

I lacked a complexion, and stabbed my reflection 12 times

I don't know what I've been told, I will sell my soul to rock and roll

I don't know where to go I have lost control Oh no.

november y u no treat me nicely.

- fucking annoying -


Not so sure

- fucking annoying -

Not so sure if I'm Dalilah or.. I am Elle Xore.
Not so sure what am I unsure about that is for sure.
Not so sure if I am being me because I am me or
I am being me to please other people.

Not so sure.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011


- fucking annoying -

the title's tough.
i am tough.
the day is tough.
everything is tough.'s been a lil weird lately. or. has it been weird since the beginning?
mindfucked tho.

Saturday, October 29, 2011


- fucking annoying -

Abah, kalau abah masih ada di dunia ni,
adik tak mungkin jadi macam ini.
Penampar abah buat adik sedar.
Tangis abah buat adik sedar.
Senyum abah buat adik sedar.
Marah abah buat adik sedar.
Tawa abah buat adik sedar.

That you're everything to me.

Abah, adik rindu abah. sangat sangat.
Potret abah sentiasa adik tatap.
Moga jiwa mu aman disana.


- fucking annoying -

i understand it all alone is just enough.
there's no use to express this feelings.
if i say the truth, it's gonna hurt someone, same goes to lie.
fucking ironic.
what am i supposed to say then?
let me carry this burden myself coz i refuse to sink with you.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Suffocating at 2:58 a.m

- fucking annoying -

Today,weather decided to nourish the ground with its teardrops from Heaven.
the rain was easy at was..pleasant to have one
after a whole month we've been enslaved by the fervent sun.
It even persuaded the busiest man to secretly cheats on the time
and has the urge to reminiscence for a while of how extraordinary his life was,
Just for a little while he said.. just for a little while..but the clock's tick tock-ing.
and he's tired of paddling.


The weather decided to be a little bit mischievous.
dark clouds starting to obscure the sunlight,
accompanying them clouds, lightning in fearless bright,
ear-piercing thunderstorms unruly mastering the earth this time,
The rain aggressively hit the surface of the earth,ceaselessly with no rhyme.

Now, we wonder what is wrong with the weather?
Weather plays some trick, and abruptly all the mortals feel sick.

It was like, this weather knows and was preordained to unify with my feelings.
The feelings that I can't justify.

The surroundings,
it was vile,it was cold,it was bitter,it was dull.
felt like electric impulses pervaded into my veins,the frost bite so deep as it could penetrates into my skins.
it explores and injures every part it touched.
my bones, my brains, my lungs, my heart.
I felt the sting of the cold.
I felt very vulnerable and fragile and there was definitely no presence of bold.
it hurts. it fucking hurts.

I need warmth.. I long for the sun.
Where are you when I needed you Why are you running away from me?
When will you perceive that I couldn't go through the day without you Why are you hiding from me?
Sun, Sun, don't go away.
Your shimmering light is what that made me stay.


and yes, im suffocating.
yes, im out of breath.
This sudden change.. this sudden change made impact on me.
It made me strong,
Yes, it was bad memories,that won't slow me down.
I'll imagine it as a fucking fire that'll burn my spirit up, up to the sky.
It was pointless to give up.
I won't kneel and back down.
I'll stand up.
I'll rectify the gap between us, Sun.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

I should've stopped caring.

- fucking annoying -

The more I care, the more people thinks that I'm actually an annoying lil bastard.
So yeah.. do whatever you want to do coz I don't fucking care anymore.
drown with the absurdity you go.
I won't be there to save you.
I won't anymore.

stick to this quote yeah?
to one to love is to have interest
no expectations no disappointments
just fucking care less coz they won't appreciate you.

just a qwertyuiop sadface.jpg feeling.

- fucking annoying -

oh no. i dont like this feelings.
it happened to me 1 year and 7 months ago.
and i tell you. its not a good one.
this feeling.. ugh i cant describe it.
i hate it. no. no more tears. no you cant. its not worth it.
you're a strong girl Dalilah. you have enough experience to handle this.
yeap. its not worth it. but fuck why?!
i hate to feel this lysosomes contained fluid on my cheek.
now shut up and study.
im happy. im a happy happy happy lil bird.
the world has bigger problem than you have so shush!

fuck im starting to feel that im going to mourn.
damn it.

lol chillax babe. you're okay. smile smile smile.

fuck why am i talking to myself and typing this shit?! qwedsfhkjm,af
goddamnit for godsake, why didnt you put your feelings first ?
instead of trying to make somebody else's happy but not you?
you're fucking useless dalilah. yeah you're a fucking waste of space and you suck big time.

you just need to chillax Dalilah.

*inhale exhale inhale exhale* fuh im alright.

*touch my entire face* nope. im not dead yet. 

im ALIVE and im going to do better for the next step.

yeahhh youu gooo girllllllll

goddamnit, you're one of a annoying alter ego you know that. get the hell out of me.

lol. chillax. im still you. :P

Molten cake anyone? muahahaha btw, im only going to online just for 2 days a week, that is only the on weekends. so yeah..

bastards are always bastards

- fucking annoying -

No one ever takes me seriously. Why? Why everyone is acting like that they are all right and never have the tendency to actually feel that sometimes they are actually wrong in the first place? I may be naive, immature and all that attitudes that an infant may have, childish or what so ever, but I have feelings too right? I once tried to be mature but I failed. Why? coz im not ready to face it yet coz why bother to look older than your age? being mature is no fun at all.
I should cherish my days of being young. there's time to be serious, there's time to be annoying, there's time to be fun, ridiculous or being an ass.

Back in the old days, someone burned my spirit to ashes. put a fucking petrol on it and set it on fire. he said : " You are so naive, you're too relying on me. Should be more mature " and then yadayadayadabullshitbullshitbullshit. I nearly broke down and cried, but nope. I dont give a flying fuck bout it now. I was still a kid back then, and that doesn't count.
But now, I am sure as hell, that the guy is the one who are too naive and dysfunctional to think about other's feelings. He's such a selfish soulless dick head. He should die in a car accident. naawhh. im joking.

If you can't accept me at my worst, then you don't fucking deserve me at my best.
I may not be so brilliant, and im not very good in starting a conversation, but the least that i can try is learn. that's how i roll. the more you observe,hear and practice, the more things that you would know.
I can be at this point where I can be extremely stupid sometime, especially when it comes to common sense. I noticed that and I'm improvise my self now. but then, somehow, somebody will always laugh and mock at me, as I am a joke to them. They who've laughed, instead of teaching me the right way, who abandoned me, leaves me in curiosity and ughh!! what goes around comes around you bastards!

I am the winner and always be the winner. thats my fucking oath. and they, they who've laughed at me,
will always be the one who are actually in rage. trollfacemodeon!
and one day, they will be crying on my knees.
begging for pardon with those remorseful eyes.
but then, no mercy will be given unless they've truly learned from their mistakes.


- fucking annoying -

They have their family with especially their dad. but I don't.
They have everything that they need, but I don't.
They have education that we all need. but I don't cause it's my fault for never appreciating the chances that once was given to me, It will always be my fault.
what else matter when you have everything that you want? i see.. you want more..
you envy and jealous of me coz I have this one thing : never everlasting enjoyable life.
seeing me hanging out every weekends and trolling with my friends can make my life any better. yeah?
See? you never try to look harder. You never see the bigger picture.
All that you could think of is just enjoy enjoy enjoy. till when?
and you don't even realize every fun thing have their own consequences.

you basically can find a friend or friends to share your sad or happy moments,
but do you even care to realize that, true friends are hard to find?
Those what you call friends always ask ask ask but never really care. they just curious.
You don't just share, but feel it. that's what true friends are.

You can enjoy and express yourself when you have this things:
Love, Education, REAL friends, good job and a LIFE. by life, i don't mean more than 100+ likes on facebook.
you see, when you have love, you're happy.
When you're happy, you won't feel disturbed when you are studying or shit.
and when you have education, you'll learn new things that you never expect.
and finally you will have a good damn job which lead you to money.
Don't tell me you can live without money.

and then, people will not dare to look down on you after all your achievements right?
they don't even dare to tell or spreading rumors and talk shit bout you that you're a monster, you're a failure, you're a living hell and such.

this is my theory. it's a circle way of life.
you won't always be up there and just wait for the stars to fall in your hands.
sometimes you have to get down there and look at the universe and try to figure out how to reach the stars.
invent something new.

You can't take life for granted.
Stop mumbling that I have a better life, but then, my life is more fucked up than you thought.
and there's someone out there that have worse life than me. just be grateful my dear friends..
Justttt, just stop grunting and appreciate everything okay?

Do you realize, that sometimes, I hate to be me?
Do you even realize that all my choices and decisions that I made had against me?
They haunt me for the rest of my life. you think this is absurd? wait till you've got punched in the face.
that's how i feel.
Do you like to miss your studies for a year and a half and suddenly came back to school again
and you have zero knowledge and there's hella much things that you've missed?

No. because you don't need to feel that way dear, you're lucky.

And just to be frank tho, we should think of our future although we might give bad impressions to some people, but people don't really know about us, true? So why bother? we can't please everybody?
So why give them the satisfactions, a flying fuck is what suits them. Yeah, I have piercings, bad attitudes and stuff but that doesnt mean I'm useless and my brain isnt functional.So lets face it, without education, you have nowhere to go. I'm not trying to say that I AM PERFECT. i'm stressing the hell out here and this is only the time that I could update things bout my life, for the weekends only.and a friend, I should warn you guys out there, education is very very important my friend. You should'nt take it for granted.

love is cheap in facebook

- fucking annoying -

i've seen this scene a lot in facebook.. i mean.. kids nowadays.. 
what did they actually think about love?
is it some kind of a joke for them? no it is not.
"heyy joom open relationship"
"ahh bosannye single.. couple jom! sesiapa?"
"ahh bosannye couple.. single lagi best! break ah!" padahal baru 3 hari tu.
baru jumpa kat facebook dah pandai mintak couple.
pandai mintak itu ini.
"hmm takde org nak kat aku.. aku ni kan buruk" and yaddda yadda yadda bulll shit bullhsit bullshit.
this is cheap.. so cheap.. 

Someone whom you adulate,
deceived you.
Someone whom you abominate,
actually wanting for your love.
Someone whom you defined as friend,
couldn't be any more care less about you.
Someone whom you thought foe,
actually concerned about you.

In this piteous world,
there's no love without lust.
thirst for money, thirst for women, thirst for sex. thirst for power.
that's why it is called pathetic. not the world, but the person.
Sympathy love, cheap love, just name it.
here, there's no single humankind considered to actually Love the Love.

In fact, there's no world full of vengeance, suicide and stress
if you hadn't lost your path in founding what it is actually about life and love.

you've lost and you've lose.
Your alter ego will be in control in the meanest way you can imagine.
though you never came across bout it,but it's actually a silent self killer who could kill brain button if you keep betraying your self.

the clock won't stop tick tock-ing.. tick tock tick tock tick tock
finally disappear the man who mock

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Truth about the phantom PART 1.

- fucking annoying -

The phantom effortlessly lies underground,
slowly exposing his vulnerable skeleton
that covered by his toneless pale skin under the bleak sky.
buried in undefined smile.
he became breathless soul once more.

wondering what would he do tomorrow.
what would he do?
He's just a lonely phantom,

Monday, October 17, 2011


- fucking annoying -

Risau sangat2.. kawan2 aku ada yang study ada yang tak.
aku pun nak kata study sangat tu tak lah. ikut kemampuan apa yang ada tapi at least aku try.
aku bukan nak bermegah ke apa, tapi bagi aku, biarlah orang pandang kita jahat atau hina mana tapi kita ada ilmu di dada yang boleh menjamin masa depan kita.
boleh buat mak bapak kakak abang adik kita bangga.
dengan sijil tu lah kita boleh mentransformasi diri dan mengubah persepsi orang terhadap kita
aku risau.

aku yang form 4 tak sekolah ni pun dah pucat lesi muka jantung berdegup tak henti tidur tak lena fikir pasal SPM.
so bagi korang yang bernasib baik boleh pergi sekolah, bersyukur lah okay. strive tak strive lah.
tak kira masalah ape pun bf/gf semua tolak tepi sekejap je pun.
28 hari je lagi.
pastu bebas.

soalan2 berformat SPM korang boleh download dekat sini: memang terbaik. dari negeri apa korang cakap lah semua ada.
selagi ada masa.. belajar.. tak tahu tanya cikgu jangan jadi bodoh sombong

last,aku nak mintak maaf dekat kawan2 ataupun sesiapa sahaja yang aku ada buat dosa
tulus ikhlas dari hujung rambut sehingga hujung kaki aku minta maaf.

tak lama lagi dah woi.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011


- fucking annoying -

hati sangsi. rasa curiga menerpa.
jauh dalam lubuk hati, perasaan yang tidak disedari.
satu persoalan yang tidak terjawab olehnya,
mengapa empunya diri, tidak mengerti?

dia gila. dia gila.
dia berasa gila kerana tak jumpa
di mana kau bersembunyi,

Dimana boleh dia mencari, Perasaan?

melilau mencari, punah harapan. tiada jumpa.
gelap.. gelap gelita.
menjerit, mengeluarkan isi hati.
dengan panorama jelita yang didiami si musibat.

Hidup dalam kekosongan?
Beban tidak tertanggung..

Dia ingin keluar..
bagaimana kau boleh membantu dia, Perasaan?

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Words Of Expressions.

- remorseless.phantom -

Strong. Weak. Truth. Lie. Love. Hate.
simple yet complex words.
simple to express, but yet again, all these words,
are they easy to digest when it came out from one's mouth?
what they mean with those words?
There's a saying,
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Full of anxiety. Full of mystery. Full of hypocrisy. Full of iniquity.

Strong vs Weak.
Why are you strong?
What benefit can you get if you're strong?
Are you strong enough to not to be the weak?
Are you strong enough to not to be heartbroken?
Are you strong enough to face the future and forget the past?
Are you strong enough to unveiled all the lies that clotting in your head?

Clueless huh.

Trust vs Lie.
Fake amiable creatures,they ask you things.
whether you're okay, whether you're all fine.
But to consider it all again, are they really "asking" you?
Can they freed you from those burden inside your soul with asking?
Eased much after told them your stories huh?
But, are you really confident that they are not using you to create a tale?
and are you sure that they know you inside and out?
not merely know about you?
Trust me, I do understand how they worship on gossips.

It's funny to see how people can change,
how they easily play with "oh so intriguing words" , "oh so soothing words" "oh so selfish words"
to make others feel safe or jealous or angry or happy.

Love. Hate
Exasperated by this "simple" words, I am.
Still lingering in my mind. Indistinguishable uproar thoughts.
Love is absolutely a word that easy to say.pleased to hear.
can we prove it? can we prove we love something or someone with that much of sincerity?
Hate is absolutely a word that can scarred one's heart.
Make them feel very futile indeed.
To say hate is easy, but to mean it?
How can we easily hated a person that once we loved so much?

I don't have enough strength to absorb all this absurdness.
these synonyms and antonyms. ugh as if..
I need tranquility of mind. But how?
I can't just neglect and let it lie cobwebbed.
How can we just ignore the scars that once, bleeding?

We have our weaknesses.
But we still have the chance to mend our weaknesses.
Have faith that we can do better.
Have faith.
Is all I can say. Have faith.

Just put a smile on your face when people let you down.
Not that you've got no feelings.
Not that you never care.
Not that you pretend to be selfish.
Just because you're strong.
You feel lonely?
I get that. I used to feel lonely too. but,
In this world, you'll never know what will happen.
who will be there to contribute, who will be there to lend their arms and let you cry.
who will be there to hug you..
Go and plan, organize,specify, but remember, He who always will decide.
You are your partner. You are your companion
Not that you want to be forever a lone ranger.
Just because you can only trust yourself.

and uh, I don't associate with people who blame the world for their problems.
I'm not entertained with people who look down and say bad things about themselves.
Chin up, coz you are as smart, pretty and amazing as you are.Don't look down on yourself coz people see you that way. We all born to have flaws but dont forget that WE GOT SOMETHING that we're good at. :)

We have to fix it by ourselves.
peace yo.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Bruises may fade, but this twinge remains the same.

- fucking annoying -

Had this huge argument with someone.
I'd rather break my knuckles than punch somebody else's face.
But it would be really nice to actually punch someone's face who've been so fucking annoying.
Unfortunately, it is opposite of legal. but if its not, then voila, you are welcome anytime
to feel my sweet knuckles in your mouth and have your teeth broken in any way you can imagine.
This is how I overcome my anger.
I don't like to be in rage and being rough is not my thing, 
but if I am, even the badass vampire Eric Northman also can't take the bite out of me .
 So seriously, don't make me in that mood. I really want to keep away from this unhealthy attitude.
You respect me, I respect You. Simple.

why? COZ I'm a SWAG.

Life's a tough luck sometimes but oh well, we'll get over it.
Just go with the flow,
No expectations, no disappointments and to one to know is to have interest.
my life quote is simple but nice.

Saturday, September 3, 2011


- fucking annoying -

sial lah anjing lah pukimak lah babi lah setan lah cibai la
lan jiao lah anjing lah pukimak lah babi la
sial sial sial sial sial sial sial sial sial sial sial sial sial sial sial
anjing anjing anjing anjing anjing
babi babi babi babi babi pukimakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
sial sial klasjflksanfcmkadbfoiqehfqowherqowrhqo BABI BABIII
LAHANAT taik la sial tahi lanat puki ksdbfkasbfijqgherpiqwetypoweq

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Be brightened. PART 1

thou mournful requiem has been sung for hundred of times,

even though the deceased has been kept in a ghoulishly rectangular corpse holder,
thou art as a murderer are still violently beautiful.


"look at her! " Ictinike said in astonishment,
"such a beautiful waste.." he added.

"Oh your eyes knows how to tricks you, this is the body who consumed evil to stay alive, named Succubus!
don't you know her?!" yelled Lucifer,

"I was in err u bitch, so tell me who was she?" Ictinike asked.

"before the sun rosed, I saw her in the midst of hell,
 torturing parts of an unfortunate lad,
 blood was everywhere,
 this sick cunt slept with the lad's heart in her hand,"  interrupt Belial, who are the infamous demon of lies.

"bravo my brother, for the first time, you did not lie to us, truth has been told Ictinike," Lucifer said.

oh the angel of bottomless pit, here I am,
I beseech thee to take me away,
let me be one of your deceased prey,
before they waylay the sickest pray.

Monday, August 22, 2011


- fucking annoying -

So, I've taken some quizzes in Google. this is what it says. and I added something somehow. cliche huh.
lots of people don't seem to quite understand me. especially people who are very dear to me.

This is very me.

Ruthless character, carefully weighing her decisions in critical situations, with excellent self-control
and strong will. Such people are generally liked, but not always loved.
Not always laugh, but always smile.
Can't really be predicted.
I like to hide my real feelings, I like to be seen as the bad one to protect people that I LOVE or CARE.
I like to provoke people.
I must show people how strong I am, mentally and physically. except, I'm not.
I never cry except if there's a death of people that I love, or I found out that my siblings or my parent deceived me.
Gimme bunch of shits, i'll throw it back to ya,
Gimme bunch of bitches, i'll cut their mouth and slit their throat.
My lesson is to combat violence and disharmony in our world.

I love being around people, and I am deeply committed to my friends.
I am also unconventional, irreverent, and unimpressed by authority.
Incredibly perceptive, I can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
I use lots of colorful language and expressions. I'm quite the storyteller despite that i'm quite a stutter lol!

In love, i am quite the charmer. And I definitely willing to risk my heart.
I often don't follow through with my flirting or professed feelings. I break a lot of hearts.

I just always seem to enjoy what I do.
I would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

How I see myself: compassionate, unselfish, and understanding

When other people don't get me, they see me as: gushy, emotional, and unfocused
I'm quite rebellious, and I don't like being told what to do. I like to do things your way.
I have my own unique style, taste in music, and outlook on life.

My personality type is goofy, imaginative, relaxed, and brilliant.

I am quite Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, and Perceiving

Saturday, August 6, 2011


Assalamualaikum to all of you guys out there, I know its kinda late to wish Selamat  Berpuasa to you but at least I said it okay? :3

hehe I did this video a day before ramadhan but im one of a lazy biatch so I uploaded it today.
I know i look fat. I AM FAT :P and i don't care bout it hohoho

well, as for Muslims, this month is a fasting month for all of yer who've already Baligh.
Wajib PUASA tahu tak, kecuali bagi para wanita yang dimana mereka ada flag merah.
Sebulan je pun.. apa susah sangat kan?
Kita patut hormat bulan puasa okengg? :3 ni je la kot, pagipai nanti baru update, nak pergi sahur sikalang :3

Friday, July 8, 2011


- fucking annoying -

The thought of him,abruptly aggravating my head.
Explicit memories rushing through my mind.
I saw a picture, it was all painted in dark scarlet,
there was a deep black hole
in the middle of the painted wounded woman's body.
it was me, in agony.
I saw him, savoring my bleeding heart.
It reminds me..of a


Within seconds he came and utter the words "would you be mine?",
Within seconds he go away and never bother to say goodbye,
Everything changes within seconds.

Astoundingly, I felt nothing. I felt nothing for it.

I beseeched him to stay,but in abhorrence he gazed away.
I had been told to sacrifice things for a precious deal.
A memory.

I was an imbecile.

what a memory

A memoir it had be.

Murderer or mister of my heart, 
I know I'd rather meet the blow, 
Of my most unrelenting foe, 
Murmuring in mine ear a song, 
Once loved, alas! forgotten long, 
And on my brow I feel a kiss, 
That I would rather die than miss..

and there it is,
lay on the ground,
a picture of memory..

Tuesday, June 28, 2011


- fucking annoying -

okay, so my band, Lakes and Snadders, [ you can check us out here : ]
had an invitation to play at Shalien Studio, Taman Tas, Kuantan.
yeap, the event was on 25/6/11, that was last Saturday,
And I was tooooooooottaallleyhh excited bout itttttt.

Emir, Fazi, Khalaf ,Haikal and I went there by busss,
you know, if we went there by car,
a lil bit of high maintenance, the tolssss, the minyakks and all.. and what if there'll be an accident or shits like that. and what if we..,(saw ghost?!)
okay, not that you guys care bout it. x)

sooo we took the bus at 10.45 pm, SANI EXPRESS of course safety and COOOLLDDDD.
and we arrived at 4.30 a.m
fazi and khalaf, the most noisy people in that bus.. till this makcik grinning at them, she's angry I can tell, she scold them and said "Ni bukan tempat jamming, nak bising bising pergi lah tempat lain"
well, i was dozing at that time, but i still can hear that makcik and and those bitches babbling at each other. LOLERS.
and because of that, me and emir can't sleep the conclusion is, we did not sleep at all. ==
thanks to raredollz and amy kamarzaman and one of his friend, coz meeting us and took us to the studio.
there was so much excitement ahead of us despite of the knackeredness lol.

so, the event started at 2.30 something, and we are the fourth band to play.
first, we present the crowds with our new single "Now I claim your sun" and then SWING for the last time and then Clarity arises.

THIS WAS OUR 3RD GIG, and I never, ever expect that the crowds in Kuantan are likely to accept us
you know what i mean like, they fucking head banging to our songs ! and iii can't believe itttt
and this is our first time to NOT to play an OPENING to an event like this. so jyearghh
and i think WE enjoyed ittt, A LOT ! to meet new crowds, new bands new members and all.

you see what i mean yaww
the crowds are soo supportive we love you guysss

Diary for my ex and us :)
and after that, we stayed for a few bands, like V.S.T.M ,M.B.F and  i can't remember..
 some of the pictures were taken, there's lot of em, but you can see it in my album at facebook, of course :)
my hair's sucks, so i always use my hand to cover the suckiness haha
and yeah, some "selingan" before we rode the bus. XD hahaha
seriously, if we had the chance, we want to perform there again, but of course, with huge amount of benjamin in our hand and a CAR  :3
aaanddd one thing, I didnt shower yet. :P. HAHAHAHAHHA gooodddbyeee ya'll, will updating some more memorable events these pass few daysss coz I WANT TO TAKE MY EFFING SHOWER RIGHT NOW !! and thanks for reading this not-so-important-thing-to-you post :X till then buhbye


- fucking annoying -

You know you're my only one.
tho we're only been in relationship like what? 2 weeks?
buuuutt youu knoowww iii laaaiiikeeeee youuu siiinncceeee whhheeeennnnnnnnnnnn and
there's no word to describe how grateful I am to have you by my side.
Despite of my flaws and all those shits I've done,
you still encourage me to change my self to be a better person.
and I WILL be a better person.

i'm sorry if i'm not the best for you,
coz i know that i'm not beautiful as the others, my thighs big as you can see, i'm boyish,
i really don't know how to love someone, and you know my mistakes that i've done in the past, but let bygones be bygones.
i'm really sorry if I've done something that make you hurt or make you feel annoying or boring.

when we meet, you knoww maybe i'm a lil bit quiet or laugh a lot that is because.. 
i'm quite shy actually when you're around.
i don't know what we should talk, i just want to stare at your face
and hear you laugh your voice when you're telling me things or stories, and smile, I KNOW IT'S NOT LOGICAL to stare at your face ALL THE TIME,
but you understannddd xD hahahaa
and that is because i know that i will never met anyone else like you. :)

i know "I love you, is not enough"
but there's no other words that i can say better than that,
I really love you and I never want to lose you.I meant every word that I say m.hanif. :')


My heart’s a stereo,It beats for you, so listen close,Hear my thoughts in every note

and and, i'm scared/shy to tell you directly, so I just write this here.. sorry again .___.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

i love you very the much !

- fucking annoying -

i thanked god that i met him :)

Sunday, June 19, 2011

baby :)

- fucking annoying -

thanks for yesterday and the gift,I really didnt expect that.
i am missing you already when you went back home although we've already spending the time together for quite a moment there. :')
and yesterday was really awesome and it is one of the best memories i've ever had x)

hope to see you soon love <3


xD one of me mates said that he's christopher drew and im alexia O_O


candid ==
i tak nak makan boleh? :P

Iloveyou,Ireallydo <3

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

new attitude needed hmphh :[

- fucking annoying -

just can't let myself keep getting hurt right? so

1. ignore what people do, like if they say something or get mad at me. i'll just pretend to hear,but ignore it at      
    the same time : |.
2. this face : | <------------ gonna be really helpful x)  : |

hope? its so 1990's

- fucking annoying -
I know I complain too much about my life.
I like to keep things to my self.
I don't like people to know my problems.
I tell the important parts only.
Sometimes, I want to fucking share about my problems, my happiness , whether i am sad or im happy or any feelings that i feel to person that i love and trust. but i can't coz they would not understand. Even if I tried to.
They won't.
They know my name, They know my Stories, but They don't know how i go through it..
i always listen to them even 1%, but i still listen.
but i just can't tell them 100% coz my life is too problematic and hectic to be heard.
how about talk to my mom, oh my sister how about my brother?
damn you,believe me, i tried, they don't understand and i'm tired.
they treat me like i am a fucking naive child.


well the next thing is,
 i'm gonna regret the decision that i've made and i will make from the first time.
things aren't will just stay like that. i bet no,
i fall in love once, twice, third and this is not the last time.
i hope he'll find another one who is much more better than me.
coz i know, i flunked in life. i'm a bad person and i deserved no better than a devil.



well, i flunked in this department too, i suck, i'm too stupid to get my brain to function
spm this year, still am a playful Elle. play much.
worthless for my parent : mom to spend those money to the home tutors.
really suck to be me. I surely want to be dead in my mothers stomach if i know how hectic my life is.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Can I have tears in my eyes?

- fucking annoying -

The devil asked herself if what would happen if she knows how to cry, how to has tears in her eyes?
If only she could, she won't be devil.
isn't cry is for the weak? no she can't cry coz
She's a bitch, playing with someone's feelings.
She don't want to be like her once a friend now foe; successful in betraying people and proudly holding the medal of agony.
No, she don't want to be like him. pathetic, thats the word that she thinks.
but whats a devil if there's no evil act?
too love to let go. too scared to be loved, to good to be selfish ; its the opposite.

Sunday, April 10, 2011


From This

To this :]
- fucking annoying -

Monday, March 21, 2011

i'm gonna fucking swear in this post.

- fucking annoying -

Hey before I start, let me give you the link to my Tumblr.
I aren't really good in HTML code and customizing the shit, but yeah,believe it or not, I spent for 5 hours editing the html and shit and I tried to make it as nice as I can.
except I couldn't find out how to center align the photos that I've posted at tumblr ==.
So check em' out brah. click here ayee.

Let us begin this hatred.

I fucking hate when some people make pledges but failed to accomplish it.
why you even bother to make it when you know you can't finish it?

I fucking hate when pretty barbies and kens out there tells everyone that I'm a fucking bad influence and talks behind my back to their friends.
you make things soooooo much complicated for me.


wait what? why are my pictures looking like that? That's in your mind huh?
I don't pierced because it is so fucking trend right now.
I don't dressed up all hardcore because it is so FUCKING TREND RIGHT NOW.
no I DON'T.

I dressed the way that I dress is because it represents me.
So, get used to it or you can suck my asshole aye mate?
I'm not going to lie about who I am. I DON'T DO HYPOCRISY HERE.

You know what? You are such an appalling bunk ! AND I'M ABSOLUTELY FUCKING LOATH YOU FOR THAT!
This kind of people unequivocally are too blinkered in their view and never thought of others opinion.
I decisively assure you assholes that i'm, not going to jeopardize my dignity for you whores no,
I'm fucking not going to.

I fucking hate when I CAN'T EVEN DEFEND FOR MYSELF , MY FUCKING SELF when I am being mad of something that I DIDN'T DO. BECAUSE YOU WON'T LET ME!


that's how you want me to address you? voila !  you want it?


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Love, Lust and Lost.

- fucking annoying -

Someone whom you enshrine,
mocking you.
Someone whom you loathe,
actually yearning for your love.
Someone whom you rate as "the friend",
renegade you.
Someone whom you thought foe,
concerned about you.

In this pathetic world,
there's no love without lust.
that's why it is called pathetic. Sympathy love. Cheap love . Just name it .
Where there's no single humankind considered to actually Love the Love.
there's no world of vengeance
if you hadn't lost your way in searching the truth of life.
you lost and you loose.
Judas will be your god in the meanest way you can imagine,
tough you,yourself never come across about it,but, he will, if you keep on betraying.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

hey, read.

- fucking annoying -

a love often sad, weak and tired but sometimes happy and strong..I cannot explain why but when I think of you I see you here under these sad trees, because there is something very sad in you..something you never told me..and that creates this big distance between me and you.. the same something that made me to fall in love with you in this life and..who knows maybe also in another past life..because I am sure I have already met you.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

babi babi semua babi

- fucking annoying -

Babi babi, semua babi
semua pukimak, semua babi, semua anjing
semua itu binatang.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

what is the authority of a life?

- fucking annoying -

well, I'm pretty stressed these days.
Loads of homeworks to be done.
As my headache getting the worst out of me,
I cure my stress with reading couple of Shoujo comics.

Can't believe that I found myself laughing loudly under my blanket when I was
reading the comics, although the scene is kind of predictable, but well, at least I'm star struck
by the drawings. Especially the heroes.. ahh.. so beautifully illustrated. so handsome and cool yet so romantic.
yes, I know, it's just a comic, but how'd wish someone like that for me.
But not as romantic as the shoujos would be of course, that'll be too geli for me :O

I hardly laugh nowadays. Just for the sake of people around me,
I fake it."HA HA HA"

Learning Biology,add math,math,physic, and of course our dear chemistry is kinda hard for me.
One word : Difficult and I'm exhausted for not understanding tho its just been a month I went to school.
But I'm not a fragile little kid who is vulnerable and easy to give up.
So, that's why my schedule is tight.
I go to tuisyen after this Chinese New Year. learning form 4's subjects again.

regret is the perfect for me at the moment.
till then "mournsters"

Monday, January 10, 2011

Have an anti-love gay old time/ Would you be my...?

- fucking annoying -

Hey! Don't laugh at the title.
 It's normal to write it when you're a 17 year old girl that
don'tt have a normal relationship for almost 1 year.
* Okay, now I'm regretting this for written it x) *
* i dont want to get too serious, just normal and happy relationship *
It's normal okay! So, don't laugh. :3
I'm completely devastated.
For I am ashamed of my self coz I know, the last time I wrote something about love is when I was the "Anti- lover". People change attitudes and their feelings vary.

I admit it, I can't resist the nature of life.
When it comes to love, there's no resistance of it, we can't deny that we can live without love. It's nonsense.
It's like herpes, no matter how hard we try to prevent it, it will keep coming over again and again.
It'll stop. For a moment, but it will be re-appear. it just takes time to realize it.
Okay, maybe we can stay away for awhile, but we can't stay away forever.
We can search through the right remedy for our scars anyway when the time has come.
Some may find that him/her self kind of have the allergy for the word "LOVE" like I used to,
but then, I realized, until when right?

I want a flawless/perfect boyfriend.
I'll highlight the "perfect" word.
My definition of perfect goes something like this :

I want a boyfriend who can
follow me to travel around.
Coz i like to travel u know.

I want a boyfriend that uses his own money. Not mine.
I know I'm a soft hearted girl when it comes to money. Especially if the person is someone whom u liked or loved. A lot. * now that I told you guys about this, don't you ever take advantage of me *
I needed to be selfish in one thing : money !
I use my own benjamin($), and u use your own fucking franklin($) aite ?

Now, I'm not parsimonious, but I'm sick and tired of giving away my money for free without any
return.I mean,not that I wanted "things or gift" as in returning the favor but at least a genuine "thank you" is enough laah.dont be rude dear.( THIS SENTENCE IS TO BOYS ! )
We can trade sometime, I would love some give and take. It's fair u know.
It's like, I'll buy you foods, and you'll bring me to the cinema, watch movies.
if I give give give, U take take take, mana boleh jadi bro. haha
If u give give give and I take take take, you would be annoyed or angry something like that also rightt? :3

I like short hair guy, same goes to the long hair one. I love them both.
However hmm, not too short, not as well as too long la kot? xD
I like guys with various way sense of style. Who can do Hippies, Vintage, Emo, Reggae , Urban.
Universal you know.

Needless to say, I'm bored with the style I'm growing up with. that's why I seldom upload new pictures to facebook.
Same hair cut since I was in standard 5? Now come on, it's depressing!

Regardless what people may say about me, I know that I'm not one of the "Barbie", though some guy
likes it when their girlfriends tend to be sweet or "mengada-ngada".
But sorry sir, if that's what you like then go on with it. x)

Boys who good in English and is educated really turns me on. *really dude.

Note : I have a very huge wall of ego . if you can break it , then you're my man. :D

Exp: (pergh ada example tu HAHA XD) *im trying to be detail in this . lol
example : You text-ed me something like this " hey how are you " . and I know I will reply this 
" I'm fine thank you, how bout you? Did you ate?"
then you replied this " fine. I ate already "
I won't reply to this.
but you kept sending me txt messages saying that " omg elle, you're very snobbish " or " why you didn't reply to me".
then, there will be definitely no SMS for you anymore. :)
get the picture?

I have so many flaws. And I don't want a too perfect boyfriend.
Everybody has he/she own imperfection right? so am I.
I'm narcissist ? no , i'm not. i just want the best for me. and you have the right to chose what is the best for you.
one of em is that I'm not excellent in starting a conversation. If you're the one who makes it boring, then trust me, I'll make it worst. See, I really need someone who can spice up things to be better. The second thing is,
I have the biggest thigh in the whole universe. I'll try to reduce it :P.
 If there's no chance, I'm getting all that I list up there, it's okay. I'll still accept you for who you are and
depending on the reasons why you love me. That's all. I'm not that strict tho. x)
nowwwwwwwwwwwww i'm *blushing* aw.. im so embarrassed coz written all these things.
I noticed that how i'm against love that good old days..
I noticed that how I longing for love now.
perhaps, we can't be extremely over confident that we can hate something for ever coz it turns out,
you'll be loving it someday. Same with the opposite.

Damn elle, you're just 17 chicha !

Any comment? :p

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

a lot more things after 2010.

- fucking annoying -<--*it's my blog's name. HAHA

Hello,my randomly written blog, how are you?
I found out that my blog is getting more and more followers,
I truly appreciate it and hoping that I somehow
could manage to follow you guys back. :')

after quite some time didn't update,
I want to start my "new year" with writing about crazy stuffs that I owned, and memories in 2010.

and shall I say, that I'll be collecting more and more crazy shirts and shoes in 2011?
*imma tee and shoes collecters ! * wink wink
still, I wished that I'm still 16 years old in 2011 that one stupid day.
How I wished for it.. but 17 is somehow going to be fun for me.I suppose.
coz it's my senior's year. XD

Items that I owned.
given by a friend of mine, my mom and sure, bought by my very own money.( hey! I worked before! I'm not mummy's diamond!)

2 Drop Dead shirts ( given by my friend )
Dogs Rm175
Dogs by DD.

Rm125 or 135 maybe?

Skull candy headphone Rm200 -by my self
I had this one earphone, it was red color and white star in the middle, i bought it with my salary money for like RM55 i bought it at Times Square. Then one day, when I was finished eating at sunway, I wanted to wash my hand, then suddenly, I tripped, and POOF ! my headphone's wire were pulled coz i tripped on a table, and my 2 weeks headphone broke into two. what a waste.. T_T. and same goes to my Skull Candy headphone. i lost them both. gonna buy new one tho . ^^

Ellis Mid Vans Rm232- bought by myself too
Ellis Mid that I wore the day that I went to Langkawi with Acen and she's wearing vans too! :D
Even tho Ellis Mid is man's skate shoes, I like the design and it's kinda sporty for me.

Macbeth : rm250 by my mom and Supra : i didnt remember how much but it was given by my friend that gave me those 2 dropdeads.
After 4 years of not getting me any birthday presents, finally, she bought me the one and only shoe that i wanted for so long. thanks mom ! :D like I said before, I'm not mummy's diamond ! x)

I had an Ipod Nano that was given by my Dad.
But I managed to broke it too..the only precious thing that my dad gave to me.
i was so sad. and it was tragic for me. it's a memory between me and him.
I really didn't realize that my Ipod was in my jean's pocket,
so I just washed it in the washing machine. darn it.
I always screwed things up. 
Like my dad's guitar, I did not smashed it, it just dropped then poof, broken into two pieces too.

luckily, my sis gonna buy me new ipod touch after she move to her new house coz we dealt a bet
if i can fast for 1 month complete,she's gonna buy me an Ipod Touch! 

I have some other items like shirts that I bought at Doll Store, they have really cool stuff and you guys must check em out ! you can search Doll Store at facebook.
I support local clothing like Attack Apparel, Joorue and even Ash Mcartney's shirts !
I have sooo many pictures of my shirts that I'm like very veryyyy lazy to upload it coz u can see em at my page lol. haha
 *hell?! why did I even write these thinggsss???*

*kitty cult and wild jacket from dropdead! wait for ELLE XORE !! :D
*1more Macbeth shoes !
*atleast 1 baby cakes shirt !
*1 TOMS shoes !
*1 Cup Cakes Shirt !

Im gonna collect more of DD's shirts, more macbeth.. more vans more some other things
and im gonna save up money to celebrate NEXT 2012 NEW YEAR AT LANGKAWI!
I know it's just the beginning of the year 2011. but hey, we must have plans right? 
hahahaaaaahaaahaaaa can't waittttttttttttttttttttt
I can't really believed that I never, not once, have celebrated new year.
all that I can see the happiness of new year is, watching the fireworks from the balcony of my sis's house.
yeah.. I know right? XD
buuut  im gonna score my spm too! believe it or not baby !
bak kata pepatah melayu, ini bukan omongan kosong. alang2 menyeluk pekasam,biar sampai ke lengan !
azam ku, akan ku jadikan kenyataan !


<3 u !