2012.

- remorseless -

-this post is too long by the way-

I know it has already been a few days we're in this "2012" but it is never too late to update right?
Because it is still January! :P which is for me, a complete new start.
I'm 18 now, well.. not exactly 18 ..only 17 years and 2 months old. Okay2.. I dont want to exaggerate more about my age, it will become a long post to read.

I learned so many things this past years..
I learned that, we can't easily believe with what people say..Even if they were one of your friends. Enemy exists among friends.
I learned that, education is very important for our future.
I learned that, love.. is a thing that some people could cope with it leavings, but somehow, some people couldn't. It will eventually comes when it is the right time. We can't force it. It is be a nightmare if we tried it so hard.
I learned that, no matter how hard is your life is, you must remember, that there is always, ALWAYS some other people who suffers more than us.
I learned that, luxuries, is only for awhile. When you have fat ass pocket, they will come to you. But when you don't.. they will disappear slowly. its life.
I learned that, family, is all we had in mind, even at the lowest point of your life, family comes first.
I learned so many things.

Truth to be told, I quite miss my High School life.. I thought that after SPM is finished, I will go and live all by myself, I mean.. it's a new thing to do right? not to depend on your family for once. At least before I "enjoy" the new ambiance in University or College.

But, according to my brother, i'm still young and should've just stay at home.
Well, you wanna know my routine at home every effin' day?
sleep at 7a.m.
wake up at 1 or 2p.m
Eat.
Accompany my nieces to sleep at 3 or 4 p.m well, you know, I SLEEP TOO. until 5.30p.m
and then I will go to gym at 8 till 10.
Then I will watch Merlin till 6a.m or facebook. or tumblr.or twitter or youtube.
He allows me to work, but insist that I must actually stay at home if I want to work.
I LIVED IN THIS AREA NAMED PUNCAK PERDANA.
hellooo, pendalaman gila kott bas pun 1 jam sekali.
I can't fucking wait to get my car licence. Then, all will be alright I guess.
after thinking for quite a while and to put my feelings at ease, I made up with this idea that my brother actually cares for me and didn't want anything bad happens to me.
It's okay brother, my anger is only for awhile, and I love you too :) *i can't be mad at a person really long*
besides, he's still my brother.

I welcomed 2012 at Langkawi with ma homies : Eykram, Yumi, Nafiss, Ambia, Rath (I REALLY MISS HIM!) , kak fika, Dayat and other new friends.
It was really really really super awesomely fuuuuuuunn!
We did so many things, Banana boat, island hoping, jalan2, makan2 and all.
Eykram introduced me with lobsters, it was my first time to eat that thing. Never had a chance before LOL.
it was super nyummeyh!

and the Banana boat, i tell you its WICKED in a good way, at first im scared to ride that thing coz it keeps bouncing and bouncing and eventually you will fall. yes we fell, for a few times. but it was super fun!
and then, the next day, we went to Island Hoping. we went to Dayang Bunting, we saw the Eagles there.
(woi macam jakun giler je nak cerita semua) haha well, I suggest YOU to go there if you're freee. It is really worth for your money.
We stayed there for 4 nights and 3 days. How awesome it would be if I can repeat those moments again. Feels like I dont want to leave that place. hehe.

Badai membara

- remorseless -

Menghembus bayu,
Memadam sayu,
Mengubur pilu,
Itulah peranan ibu.

Menyayangi aku,
Menemani aku
Mewarnakan aku,
Itulah kelebihan ibu.

Kian membesar kian bernanah.
Api gelora jiwa kian membara,
Hati ibu berdarah dipanah,
Si kecil mula berdusta, teralpa, terleka.

Hampa..
Ibu hampa.

Nurani hati ibu sayup ucapkan rindu,
Ombak membadai seganas taufan,
Terpana melihat si anak memuntahkan kata-kata nista haru.
Ibu tidak mampu berkata apa terpadam umpama bara kesejukan.

Si kecil yang dulunya bermain tidak jauh dari sempadan,
Hilang sekelip dari anak mata tiada lagi indah kayangan,
Ibu gila mencari mengigil takut kehilangan,
Bila jumpa, tidak mampu untuk melepaskan dari gengaman.

Kini dia membesar menjadi anak derhaka.
Berbeza, berbeza dari dulu yang halus,
Ibu, ampunkan anakmu yang kurang hajar menikam dada,
Ku rindu belaimu yang ikhlas dan mulus.

forgive me

- remorseless -

Cruising far away from the land.
with it's big grand metal blend.
Start the journey to a better place.
where there is no room for any more disgrace.

sunken in the deep blue sea,
O lord, please help them see,
what world we lived in.
so much lust, so much sin.

Wandered endlessly in the ocean,
never looked back, afraid to examine their past action.
They are in fear, fear to be confined, fear to be reset.
So why bother to possess, when we know we're going to regret?

Forgive me for I've cruised too far,
I never meant to meddle in this war.
There was mist everywhere obscuring my sight.
I need You to be my light.

what have I done

- remorseless -

dont even.

laugh

coz i'll die of laughter

Yesterday was seriously wicked for me guys. seriously. hahahah xDD
Except you knoww.. to wait for that scumbag for 12 hours.
we're bunch of idiots. devoted to him and all -__-
fuck that shizz manngggg

fuck i'd give.

- remorseless -


















































none.

ze katze

- remorseless -

- remorseless -

It took me 1 year to forget about some goddamn guy who
was "in relationship" with me for 1 month. then mind-fucked me.
Pretty intense.results in "cant believe in boys easily" for the whole year.
just certain of em, still can choose who i can trust who i can't trust.
as soon as I give all of em back my trust. shit happened.

How bout 5 months then?
They've lost my trust. forever.
all boys.

Terima kasih :3
better keep it this way. so no more scars.

well, to be honest. i hate myself.
i hate part of me tells me to hate you, another part says i still love you.
how mind fuck is that. haha troll forever.
you have no idea how hurt I am.
i cant trust anyone. not even myself.

REVMP!

- remorseless -

REVAMP! REVAMP!
like you never Died before!
REVAMP! REVAMP!
like you never seen this world before!
REVAMP! REVAMP!

i seriously motherfuckingly need a punching bag in my room.
like seriously. XD

and we shall celebrate our victory with RED VELVET CUPCAKE BEBEH!

Entitled to be cursed forever.

- remorseless -
14.6.24.10.4.11

Shouldn't accept. Shouldn't listen. Shouldn't trust. 
Shouldn't discover love at the first place.
It's very irony that love could mend a broken heart,
and love also has the power to tear a part.


Momma once told me that love is so heavenly fun.
and all what we do is play and run
Love is where a place that no one recognize any hate.
guess it's just another lie and in the hand of malignant fate.


Misery came once in a while,
thought that it could cause no long-lasting harm..
so I dumbly welcomed it with open arms.
But it does,it is vile and wild.. 
everything is unclear and left only unending tears.
when sight isn't that vivid, forthwith it bestowed scars that hurt like acid.

I thought we were stronger than that.
I was wrong. I fought this battle alone.
I could give up long time ago,
But I didn't because I .. I thought we were stronger than that.

and now, im at the lowest point of my life.
I've failed, I've lost. I've nothing in exchange.

This pleasures of love is only for awhile
and it has to end.
Though I have to go through the crowds with a forced smile
but still, I must make some amend.

no more crying in the middle of the night.
no more 4 hours of mourning.
Everyday.
Coz I know, there will be bright shining light,
waiting for me in the morning.
as long as it may.

I've repeated this for second time.
I though it was all untrue when I found you.
But there was I.. wrong again when i let my heart over mind.
I'm seriously broken.
"I guess it's true that in real world, there's no knight in shining armor.
No prince charming that will hold her hand for just a little while.
I guess no.
There's only backstabbing, anger, lonely and sad.
Conquering every living person in world of mess.
That just a whole load of pain in the ass.
Don't die, just pretend a smile."

and there it go once more, 9 rejected theories ,
perpetuating in the mind of it's very own.
I shall not easily fall again..
either in love or life.

Those who are faithless know the pleasures of love; it is the faithful who know love's tragedies.

Time Travel

- remorseless -

Nothing is real, I know this cause I made a deal.
With the Devil. He told me that i was just wasting my time on the moon.

So I flew to the sun, lost track of my soul on the run
suffering 12 degree burns
I learned that the sun was no fun

So I went back to earth, Tripped and fell in the glorified dirt.

Honestly, gravity sees me as a liability.

So I held my breath, til my soul left my body for dead

I ripped through the clouds, To talk with the man in the sky.

I said " Take this for what it is,, I think you're a tad but prejudice

Against the ones like us that are searching for the answers"

He said " Kid you don't know shit, you should go back home and live

In that quiet little town you left behind"

I'm coming home, Don't you cry ( don't you cry )
I'm coming home, Just in time ( Just in time )

I am a fake A constant go-getter of fate

I lost track of time, I carried my mind on a plate

I seasoned it well, with acid and M.D.M.A.

Then I howled at the moon, Til the sun burnt out both of my eyes.

So I checked my pulse, Standing there white as a ghost.

I lacked a complexion, and stabbed my reflection 12 times

I don't know what I've been told, I will sell my soul to rock and roll

I don't know where to go I have lost control Oh no.